“Let’s all go around and share our favorite features of one another,” someone in the car said. I don’t remember who said it or where it came from, but it worked for the four of us girls during our mini road trip. So we did.
“I like your lips. They’re so full and well-shaped and just so pretty.”
“You have really great legs. They’re very well-toned and hot.”
“Abs.”
“I know this is cliche, but I LOVE your rack.”
“You have a great ass. I wish my ass would do what your ass does.”
“Your smile is gorgeous. Perfect shape. It brightens your face.”
“Dark, silky, full hair. Stunning.”
“I love your eyes. They’re really a window to your soul, and you have such a beautiful one.”
How many girls do this on a regular occasion?
This past weekend, I traveled with my best friend Allie to Ohio for her second wedding shower, along with Ashley and Maria, two other girls in the bridal party. Allie’s fiance Tommy’s family threw her a gorgeous second wedding shower in Perrysburg, OH, and we girls were all very thankful to have the opportunity to travel with her to experience the love extending from that side of the family. Our friend Ursula, who is also a wedding attendant, drove out from Wheaton to meet us, which was amazing.
We departed at 6:30 a.m. and made great time (it took approximately 4.5 hours, not counting the brief rest stops). It went quite fast because we were laughing a lot…and because Ashley being kind enough to read to us. She taught us about lupus, and made us laugh about “moose ears.” The food was exquisite (and mostly vegetarian), the decor was astounding, and the little girls in dresses with flower-adorned hair melted my heart.
On the drive back, someone suggested we discuss all the things we admire about one another, which turned out to be quite therapeutic given the hectic circumstances of the day. In addition to complimenting each others’ physical features, we also shared stories about the best days of our lives, our first hookups with boys, and self-improvement aspirations.
It was a total bonding moment; one I didn’t expect to happen as we crossed state lines in the good ol’ Midwest.
Then, Allie suggested a new topic: “Let’s all share three things we each love about Tommy.”
The responses: He’s so funny, he worships the ground Allie walks on, he’s hard-working, he’s good to your friends, he’s talented and creative…
When we were done, Allie called Tommy and said, “We just listed all the things we like about you. Now you have to tell US the things you like about all of us in the car.” He asked her if he could call us back in five minutes.
Twenty minutes later, the phone rang. “Okay,” Tommy said (on speakerphone). “We’ll start with Ashley. Just because I’m a guy…we’re gonna go with the TATS.”
We all paused. And then died laughing. “Tommy!” Allie laughed. “We were talking about personality traits and characteristics!”
“Whaaat?! Oh, I saw Charlotte’s Facebook status and it said you were talking about body parts!” I had updated my status via my Blackberry, so it was a legitimate assumption for him to make. “Whatever. We’re just doing the physical. Nobody cares about the other stuff,” Tommy insisted.
He continued to say that Maria had a three-way tie with her boobs, smile and hair. Then it was my turn. “For Charlotte, there’s really only one way to describe her best feature…and that’s through song.”
We all held our breaths and I tried not to snort in anticipation because I was already laughing.
“Me-me-me-me-meeeee…” Tommy warmed up his vocals. “Ahem. BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ALL AROUND! BOOTYBOOTYBOOTYBOOTYBOOTY ALL AROUND!”
We died again.
*****
After that settled down, we girls continued with our circle of compliments. One of the last topics was the most astounding to me.
“So, let’s talk about what we would improve in ourselves,” a girl (again, I don’t recall who) suggested.
I started. It was easy. “I would love it if I were more disciplined and diligent,” I explained to the girls. “I love what I do, and I know what I have to do, but sometimes it’s a bit difficult to stay focused and feel like I’m actualizing my potential. I love writing, but sometimes it’s the hardest thing in the world for me, which is, like, totally fucked up.”
Real talk.
Maria and Ashley shared their visions, and finally it was Allie’s turn.
“Hmm…” she said. There was a bit of a pause. I could sense her struggle to come up with something, anything, that she could improve about herself or her life.
Personally, I know that there is nothing “wrong” with Allie. She’s one of those people who does everything right. From the first day I met her, she’s always been that way, and that is something I have genuinely aspired to be.
“Um…I really don’t know,” Allie told us. “Maybe I’ll think about it and get back to you.”
There isn’t anything. Anyone who reads this and is remotely familiar with Allie knows that there is nothing. And it’s not to say that she has the type of life where everything is perfect and there is no need for improvement…but it kind of is. This is honestly because if Allie wants to do something, she does it. No bones about it. No qualms, hesitations, self-doubts, worries, fears, mental blocks. She makes the decision and does it, whether it’s starting new business endeavors, raising her credit score and eliminating debt, planning a beautiful wedding that encapsulates her and Tommy’s personalities, or helping her friends and family.
Allie is amazing. She’s a businesswoman who owns a successful modeling agency. She’s engaged to the love of her life, who just so happens to be the only person she’s seriously dated (HOW did she find him RIGHT off the bat?!). She’s vegetarian. She’s earning multiple certificates of professional accreditation in nutrition sciences and the likes. She travels across the country for work pretty much every month. She works out religiously, has a bangin’ body, and THE BIGGEST HEART OF ANYONE I’VE EVER KNOWN.
Allie is one of those people who reaches the highest tier of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
When you check out most charts of the Hierarchy of Needs, the highest tier is often listed as self-actualization. However, I like this particular chart because it takes it a step further, and has “transcendence” at the top.
And if “transcendence” is truly “helping others to self-actualize,” Allie is RIGHT THERE.
We don’t all reach that point. But it is something for which we should all strive.
And that is something that inspires me to the core.
On the drive back, I was thinking to myself about friendships and the complex relationships that we all have with other human beings. I must say that it was a really nice thing to be in a car full of women whom I’d not normally hang out with, and to enjoy myself so much.
I would like to think that I am quite complimentary to my friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. I try to acknowledge my friends’ strengths, compliment acquaintances, and have a tendency let a stranger know something that I like about them (oftentimes it’s a cute bag/pair of shoes/haircut/etc).
But as far as being in a state of complete peace with yourself?
That is priceless.
And this is not to say that Allie doesn’t have goals or aspirations. She does, but every day she implements something toward accomplishing what she wants and needs for her personal happiness. It’s not about being content or complacent. It’s about being your own advocate; consciously acting in your best interests for whatever it is you want to do with your life.
What a beautiful thing.
Are you where you want to be in your life? What sorts of things hinder you from being who and what you want to be? What do you do each day to work toward your goals? Discuss.
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