mizChartreuse!

Wait. I should rephrase. I know I have a bad attitude, but is this really going to affect me negatively in the future? I’m apt to say no, just as my high school grades from four point five years ago have absolutely no bearing on my life in the present.

I know, I know, getting your degree is just a way to prove that you can put up with shit for an extended period of time (five+ years for me!). But I KNOW when I’m pitching my manuscripts to publishing agencies next year (did I say at this time last year that this time this year I’d be pitching my manuscripts to publishing agencies? I don’t remember, but probably.), they’re not gonna care about my 3.5+ GPA. All that matters is that I write something that they can sell, which I obviously can.

Or am I just telling myself that so I don’t feel bad about not worrying about my midterms? Oh, who am I kidding, I don’t worry– because I’m good at using words to sound more well-informed than I may be. But is that bad?

Sorry, Professor Jenks, but I really don’t aspire to write crappy straight news beat stories on boring City Hall hearings for the Tribune as a rookie journalist, so that class I missed last week really really wasn’t one of “the most important classes of the year.” I’m not gonna be a journalism bitch/office monkey writing 4-inch stories about community events in your town’s tiny newspaper if I can help it.

All right. Who am I kidding. I don’t really feel bad. But is that bad that I don’t? Or am I just not a worrisome type of person? Okay. I know I’m not. But is my nonchalance and indifferent attitude toward memorizing what happened in the Sheppard v. Maxwell case bad? Okay, I know it’s not bad. So why am I even asking?

Maybe I’m just jaded? Well, I know I’m jaded. My feelings really stem from (I believe) a sense of contempt for the bland, the ordinary, the routine. My job at the Chicago Stadium Club drives me CRAZY because it’s the same shit over and over and over: Bulls win, Hawks lose. Bulls win, Hawks lose. Hawks lose. It’s cold. Hawks lose. Light the candles. Where’s your nametag? The buffet is $33 per person. Reset the tables tonight. Hawks lose. Did you get the expensive soap out of the restrooms? Don’t forget to take the linens downstairs! Hawks lose.

I long for the substantial, the revolutionary, the purpose-driven life. Not having to kiss a superior’s ass (like I see my managers doing) and working your way up the corporate chains that only care about the bottom line. Please please please God! I don’t even care about being a millionaire (well, I do and it would be nice because I could do so much more with these silly things we call dollars); I just want to do something. I’ve never understood people who are content without ambition.

All I want to do is have a home office (or s studio like my mom), and write and create beautiful art and “stuff” all day long. And to have people pay me to do that. Is that too much to ask? =)

Eh. Someday. I’ll make it happen. I don’t know how, but then again, when it comes to all the wonderful feats I have accomplished in my couple decades of life, I never would have dreamed they were possible before they happened. So much of my life has been similar circumstances, only repackaged, so obviously I’ll figure this one out.

‘Til then I have to read about flight attendants, pull all-nighters [not] reviewing (I refuse to call it “studying,” because I don’t study), and work for a bunch of fascists that make me tie my hair back when it looks so much cuter down. Bleh. At least I have Soldier Field and modeling. Who knows when the Angel Lady is gonna come back? (Answer: the Angels with a capital A, per Ms. Storm. I miss her!)

There’s this guy who came back to work at the CSC after working elsewhere for two+ years. When the managers announced he was coming back, everyone flipped out and was so excited and told the newbies so many stories about how wonderful and hard-working and great this guy is. I wish I had the effect on people that if you mentioned my name people would be like, “Oh my god she’s sooo great!”

But I have a bad attitude. I’m good at masking it in front of the necessary people, but I do feel bad for those that have the burden of hearing it. Mm, no I don’t. I only bestow that upon certain individuals. It’s not so much bitchiness as it is impatience. And I don’t mean to sound so cynical; this “attitude” thing is a bit of an exaggeration– but I have my moments.

It’s funny that I, being so horrible with time management and punctuality, am so impatient when it comes to life. Timing is a bitch, that’s it!

Live learn life love die dust gone.

Do something! Obstacles only seem impassable when you’re in the midst of them, not in retrospect.

The end.

p.s. I have another HUGE trip coming up that I’ve only told about three people about. I don’t know how it’s happening, but it is! I really enjoy my breaks from America! And school! Details later!

p.p.s. Don’t you think that the world really is going to hell? Bombs over Baghdad, floods in Louisiana, fires ravaging California. Oh, wait, I meant the U.S. is going to hell. I can’t wait for 2012!

p.p.p.s. I also can’t wait for our St. Louis road trip, which is significantly sooner than the end of the world as we know it. =)

You’ll remember my blogs when it’s happening. “Oh, shit, Char was right about 2012 A.D.!” As I always am (even though in this situation it would be through no fault nor wisdom of my own, just reading)!

I think I’ve lost it.

xo.