mizChartreuse || redefiningSuccess

Feel rushed?

Sometimes you just need to take a moment and pause.

I’ve always fundamentally known that, but application is a different ballpark. Isn’t that how it is with most things in life?

Anyway. For a while I got caught up in the craziness of the day-to-day, and hadn’t really paused for reflection much until probably this past week. I’ve been writing and thinking about interpersonal relationships and people lately, and this blog stems from my random scribblings in my notebook and observations of human interaction.

Yesterday I was reading Sextrology: The Astrology of Sex and the Sexes by Starsky + Cox.

Later, I was driving and listening to my iPod and Crazy Beautiful came on the shuffle.

driftwood….won’t you float me down your stream? you’re crazy beautiful.

Fuck. I love that song and I love his lyrics. Cued in with gorgeous piano and brass arrangements, seductive, sultry vocal lines, and several moments when you think Taylor was orgasming in the recording studio, you’ve got a pretty hot song.

As I thought about it, I realized just how much of a Pisces Taylor also is. And I don’t generally think about celebrities and their signs, but I only made the connection through knowing his written words–and Pisces natives tend to be romantic, dreamy, and poetic.

I know people who think that their astrological descriptions are way off, but if you get deeper into it, ascending and descending and sextiles and conjunctions and moon and Mars and Venus signs all play into your ‘celestial makeup’ as well. It’s interesting how much we can embody our respective signs. Me and many of my friends and acquaintances are very well described by their signs.

It’s no excuse, but nonetheless somewhat comforting to say that because I am a female born at the end of May, I have tendencies toward flightiness and multiple personalities—but I also like how truly adaptable, interpersonal, and empathic I can be. But is it really that easy? To say that because you took your first breath when the Sun was in Cancer and the Moon was wherever—that the energies of the universe had a hand in crafting your personality?

Anyhow. I love who I am, but sometimes I think my Mercurial duality is…rough to deal with. I can empathize with different situations, and I often see both sides of a situation, no matter who is involved. If two people are debating something, I can understand and agree with both. I am sure this comes off as being two-faced and wishy-washy, but it’s really because I empathize with all, and I don’t like taking sides. Perhaps it’s because there are so many different aspects to my personality. And I can be fickle. And I change my mind a million times. That’s why I never commit myself to things in writing, because I’ll probably go back on that decision later.

“Everybody’s nice until you get to know them” used to be one of my philosophies on the human condition. And while I still hold that to be true for the most part, I believe that as you get to know people, you see their flaws and weaknesses and perhaps ugly things that you didn’t want to believe were there. Even the most wonderful people in the world have their issues. And despite what I might say, I know I’m not perfect. Well, maybe not 100%, but close. I will readily admit that I am pretty crazy and neurotic myself.

This is about us all. Every one of us. Who all seem to know deep down that it’s incredibly hard to be alive and interact with the world around us but will try and cover it up at any cost. For as badass and unaffected as we try to come off, we’re all just one sentence away from being brought to the edge of tears, if only it was worded right. And I don’t want to act immune to that anymore. I took the biggest detour from myself over the past year, since I decided that I wasn’t going to care about what people thought about me. I got to the point where I had so much padding on that, sure, I couldn’t feel the negativity, but that’s because I couldn’t feel much of anything. And I think I’m done with that…

…What now, then? I can only really say for myself: Enjoy who I am, the talents and the liabilities. Stop acting careless. In fact, care more. Be vulnerable but stay away from where it hurts. Read. See more shows. Of any kind. Rock shows, art shows, boat shows. Create more art. Wear hoodies to dinner. Carry a notebook and hand it to people when they passionately recommend something and ask them to write it down for me.

Root for others.

Give more and expect the same in return, but over time.

Act nervous when I’m nervous, puzzled when I don’t know what the hell to do, and smile when it all goes my way. And never in any other order than that.

And when it’s all over, whether at the end of this fabulous career or of this life, which I hope takes place at the same time, I should look back and say that I had it good and I made the most of it while I was able. And so should you.

I’m going quiet now.

 

Ciao, bellos. Happy April!