mizChartreuse || redefiningSuccess

I hate the suburbs. Seriously.

I just feel so uncomfortable out there! I spent the majority of my childhood (okay, all of it) in suburbs like Elk Grove and Palatine, and have only lived the urban life for about five years (with a brief stint in the COMPLETE boonies of DeKalb while I attended Northern Illinois University in between). The Palatine/Arlington Heights area is one thing, and I can handle quasi-ritzy close-enough-to-the-city-limits Oak Park, but I ESPECIALLY am wary of such west suburban places like Wheaton and Glen Ellyn, and especially Naperville. Good thing I work there, huh? I don’t know.

Actually, I do know–it’s the pretentious, floozy, born-again all-American picket-fenced family folk who don’t know how to drive in parking lots and wear North Face and Eddie Bauer. Retch.

In spite of the aforementioned reasons why I want to puke when I leave city limits, after today I don’t believe they’re that bad. What brings this sudden change in mentality? I discovered a total gem in a sweet little section of downtown Glen Ellyn that reminds me of when I’d go to shows at the Wheaton Grand and take the wrong Main St (and I know some of you know exactly what Main St. I’m talking about).

A freakin’ half-priced used books bookstore!

It’s called The Book Store. And they’re right; it is THE damn book store!

As we approached the front door, Shane told me not to trip. Not physically over the steps, but mentally over the shop itself.

“Why would I trip?” I said, Always Already Listening.

And then we walked in. And then I understood.

Ya know how I said that this place is my sanctuary?

Well, this bookstore replaces that. Only because the paperbacks are so cheap, it’s better for me to buy books there rather than check them out at the Chicago Public Libraries since I always end up racking up ridiculous fines anyway (and not paying them–scofflaw!)

This bookstore was a reader’s Sensory Overload Heaven.

Shelves and shelves of everything–the Classics (Shakespeare, the Brontes, Salinger, Thoreau), novels (Bushnell, Cabot, Burroughs, Vonnegut), children’s (Dahl, Cleary, Sachar, Seuss), those short fat NY Times Bestseller thriller/mystery/really longwinded stories (Koontz, Rice, Sparks, Grisham), Christian (Cymbala, Osteen, Lucado, Warren), self-help (Covey, Chopra, Tolle, Dr. Oz, Dyer), psychology (Jung, Kinsey, Freud, Adler)….Rand, Eliot, Hiaasen, Golden……

Dude. Just dude. I could go on forever.

So why was this place different from Barnes & Noble or even Barbara’s Bookstore, you ask? You can surely find all those authors at a mainstream chain or your local college town book supplier.

Because they charge half the list price for paperbacks, and if you have store credit you get HALF OFF THE HALF OFF. Yuh-huh.

The way it works is you sell your books to the store, and they pay 25 percent of the list price on the back, and 50 percent if it’s hardcover. They use that money in the form of store credit and not cash, but it’s so beneficial. How many unread books do YOU have lying around?

I’m gathering up several milkcrates to sell, stat.

This is what I got. Brace yourself…

Brave New World and Brave New World Revisited. Aldous Huxley.

“Through the most efficient scientific and psychological engineering, people are genetically designed to be passive and therefore consistently useful to the ruling class.”

List: $16.
Their price: $8.
My price: $4.

The Tell-Tale Heart and Other Writings. Edgar Allan Poe.

The Tell-Tale Heart is a five-page short story classic. You may recall the synopsis from that one Simpson’s episode where Lisa makes a diagram for class. Creepy! Shane said he never read the story but his dad told him about it when he was younger and it scared the shit out of him, in the daylight.

Poe’ll do that to ya.

Other stories and poems include: The Cask of Amontillado, The Pit and the Pendulum, The Narrative of Arthur Golden Pym, Lenore, and The Raven.

List: $5.
Their price: $2.50.
My price: $1.25.

The Classic Fairy Tales. Collected by Iona and Peter Opie.

This includes such greats as Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty, Little Red Ridinghood, Bluebeard, Puss in Boots, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, The Three Wishes, Jack and the Beanstalk, Snow White, Goldilocks, The Princess and the Pea, Hansel and Gretel, y mucho mucho MAS!

List: $18.
Their price: $9.
My price: $4.50.

Writing in Restaurants. David Mamet.

“On subjects ranging from the vanishing American pool hall, family vacations, and the art of being a bitch, to the role of today’s actors…” this is a collection of short essays and glimspes into American life. Funny.
Chapter titles include Radio Drama, True Stories of Bitches, Decadence and Semantic Chickens.

List: $12.
Their price: $6.
My price: $3.

Dry. Augusten Burroughs (A memoir).

Excerpt:

“I was awake by six a.m. and still felt drunk. I was making wisecracks to myself in the bathroom, pulling faces. This is when I knew I was still drunk. I just had way too much energy for six a.m. Too much motivation. It was like the drunk side of my brain was trying to act distracting and entertaining, so the business side wouldn’t realize it was being held hostage by a drunk.

I showered, shaved and slicked my hair back…Afterward, I arranged my hair in such a way that it appeared casual and carefee. A wisp of hair falling across my forehead, which I froze in place with AquaNet…the best. The result was hair that looked windblown and casual–unless you happened to touch it. If you touched it, it would probably make a solid knocking sound, like wood.”

List: $14.
Their price: $7.
My price: $3.50.

Ramona Quimby, Age 8. Beverly Cleary.

Who can forget lovable awkward Ramona? Everyone can relate to that girl and her stories. The uncooked egg she cracked on her forehead? When she threw up at school? Danny the Yard Ape? Beezus and Picky-Picky the cat? I even loved her stories from when she was younger. I had to re-own this book. Memories of those stories still haven’t left me, and Beverly Cleary deserves that damn Newberry Honor Award. She’s one of my main influences in wanting to be an author when I grow up.

List: $5.
Their price: $2.50.
My price: $1.25.

Parker’s Astrology: The Definitive Guide to Using Astrology in Every Aspect of Your Life. Julia and Derek Parker.

And you can be sure that this is a fatty ass book encompassing EVERY aspect of the zodiac; stuff I’ve never even heard of. Which is a lot. Mmhmm.

You can look at the life-size inside pages here and here.

List: $20.
Their price: $10.
My price: $5.

I was looking around the classics and stumbled upon Don Juan. Skimmed through it a bit but couldn’t take it.

I went downstairs and found this red cover screaming at me:

Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives. Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

The chapters:
Stupid Attachment: Is a Woman Just a Wo-Wo-Wo on a Man?
Stupid Courtship: “I Finally Found Someone I could Attach To” and Other Stupid Ideas About Dating
Stupid Devotion: “But I Love Him” and More Stupid Romantic Stuff.
Stupid Passion: “Ohh, Ahh, We’re Breathing Hard…It Must Mean Love”
Stupid Cohabitation: The Ultimate Female Self-Delusion
Stupid Expecations: “First You Commit to Him, Then You Hate Him?”
Stupid Conception: Making Babies for the Worst Reasons.
Stupid Subjugation: Letting Him Hurt Your Babies.
Stupid Helplessness: “Oh, I Always Whine and Whimper When I’m Angry”
Stupid Forgiving: “I Know He’s Adulterous, Addicted, Controlling, Insensitive, and Violent….But Other Than That…”
And the Epilogue: The Birth of the Smarts.

His parentals both were like, “She is a total ball-busting woman!” and “She is one of the most right-winged women out there…” when we showed them this title. I believe it! Duly noted. I don’t know her, but her picture on the front screams it, just like the cover art. I’m not in any of the above situations, but I know I can relate to and have committed many of the Stupids she mentions. Should be interesting…

List: $10.
Their price: $5.
My price: $2.50.
Couldn’t resist.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. C.S. Lewis.

Mrs. Fox read this to us in second grade, and I re-read it and the other Chronicles of Narnia so many times in my childhood. I loved the movies too, honestly. I WANT TO LIVE IN NARNIA!

List: $3.
Their price: $1.50.
My price: 75 cents.

I mean, just come on.

Grand total: $25.75 before tax.

For nine really amazing books. That averages down to about $2.86 per title.

Pretttty sick, yo. I had to literally pull myself away from the shelves because I could have gone crazy.

Shane probably got 15-20 very relevant, useful, and interesting titles, his as diverse as mine. Stuff like The ENTIRE works of Shakespeare (TEN DOLLARS! HARDCOVER!) Jungian and Freudian psychology, Angels in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, musical instruments spanning from Biblical times through 1930 (at the end of the book there were about three paragraphs saying that electronic instruments held no place in the music world), some medieval shit, a beginner’s chess book (even though he knows how to play), a box set of six classic authors such as Poe and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Sherlock Holmes!), a book on herbs, a natural/alternative medicine guide (shouldn’t the American pharmaceutical industry be considered alternative??), and a how to fix damn near anything reference book, among many many others.

Looks like I’ve discovered Glen Ellyn’s best kept secret…

I’m slowly building up my own personal classics library!

We did good. Real good.

Any by “good” I mean “well.”