mizChartreuse || redefiningSuccess

Yep, I said it.

Claudia Jordan is fierce.

I happened to catch the Miss USA 2009 Pageant Sunday evening, just as the live broadcast began.

The hosts, Billy Bush and Nadine Velasquez, were cute together. The show’s judges included Kenan from Kenan and Kel, Perez Hilton, Holly Madison, and model Claudia Jordan of Deal or No Deal and Celebrity Apprentice fame. 

I’m no stranger to the beauty pageant circuit. As a model and all-around FFF, I love getting dolled up. When I was younger, my sister Chloe and I participated in beauty pageants. Chloe is gorgeous and smart and actually came in as a fourth place runner-up in the 2008 National American Miss Pageant, and that was pretty huge for her!

That’s all fine and dandy, but I believe those things that send out mailings to young girls are really ploys to take people’s money, but I digress…

In essence: The top 15 finalists were chosen, the girls walked across the stage in bikinis and evening gowns, answered questions that could be classified as “easy” and “slightly less easy,” and a winner was crowned.

Classic.

I don’t understand judging criteria. When a girl with long, perfectly curled locks and a Vaseline-wide smile would walk across the stage in her Jessica Simpson bikini, what exactly was it the judges were looking for? 

My first assumption is that the judges were basing their scores on the girls’ bodies, body language, stride, and confidence–but honestly, with the exception of one girl who ever so slightly tripped when walking down the steps, they all looked pretty much THE SAME. They all had bangin’ bodies, long legs, flat stomachs, and clearly abuse the prescription drug Noasitol.

So why were the girls I thought would score a little higher didn’t? Was it because a couple walked (awkwardly) with both hands on both hips (dumb)? Was it because some had higher waist-hip ratios? Was it the way they walked? They were all skinny and gorgeous and perfect; I don’t get it.

And the first round of questions were a joke. “What makes you beautiful?” “Where did your ‘Daddy Long Legs’ nickname come from?” 

Then came the HARD questions. Hold on to your seats.

From VegasDeluxe’s Live Blog:

Miss North Carolina is first. Kelly Monaco asks whether taxpayer money should be used to bail out struggling companies. She says no, and it gets huge applause in the audience when she says the money should be used for education.

Miss Arizona is next. Kenan Thompson asks if the U.S. should have universal health care. She answers saying integrity is the deciding factor in that debate.

Miss Utah is third: Claudia Jordan asks if the U.S. should still be supporting Afghanistan even when we are in a recession. She says yes; it’s a duty and a responsibility.

Miss California is fourth. Perez Hilton asks about same-sex marriage and should it be available in every state. She says it should be between a man and a woman. There’s an uproar in the theater over her answer.

Brian Graden asks Miss Kentucky about domestic violence in light of the Chris Brown-Rihanna incident and if she would report domestic violence. Miss Kentucky answers an affirmative yes.

Wow, those were HARD. 

And I’m surprised by Miss California’s answer, for obvious reasons. She is entitled to her opinion, but I agree with Perez’s response about the WORDING of her answer. 

“She lost because she’s a DUMB BITCH … If I were her I would have said, “I think that is a question that each state should decide for themselves.’  She gave an awful answer which alienated so many people–Miss USA doesn’t alienate; she inspires. She unites … If she’d won, I would have run up on stage, snatched that tiara, and run. And I probably would have been arrested, but so be it!”

I understand that the girls are prepped and trained to answer questions, but I loathe how canned their answers are. Why can’t the girls speak in a more conversational tone?

It’s a nice show and entertaining, but I don’t get it. The pretty girls all look the same, and I don’t understand specifically what judges are looking for. Miss North Carolina’s answers to the questions were as good as any (average), and I wouldn’t say she was any more beautiful or better than the others. 

Lisa said the Little Miss Springfield pageant helped her self-esteem, despite Homer messing it up for her. Mmhmm.

Overall, it was a nice show, and I love Donald Trump, but at the end of the day I think the entire concept and productions of beauty pageants are just dumb.

Thank goodness Celebrity Apprentice followed that program. Joan Rivers is THE BOMB.