mizChartreuse || redefiningSuccess

Yesterday I was doing my mid-morning e-stalking perusing of people’s Facebook profiles and dropped in on a conversation on a friend’s page about what sounded to be a REALLY GOOD book.

I demanded Danny and/or Tina tell me what they were talking about, as I more than likely owned the title on my ridiculous book shelf but just hadn’t read yet.

 

Of course, it was The Da Vinci Code.

 

And of course, its position in my bookshelf is directly above my desk, uncracked. I probably bought it at Wal-Mart years ago and “never got around” to reading it. I have too many books like that; ones I’ve started but not completed, so I pulled a few from the shelf that I’d like to delve into this summer.

With books on the brain, a certain Tweet caught my eye, linking out to one of my new favorite blogs, Book Ramblings, discussing 25 classic books that have been banned. There have obviously been hundreds over the years, but this list included titles such as Black Beauty, Alice in Wonderland, James and the Giant Peach, Brave New World—esentially, ANYTHING THAT REQUIRES THINKING, and/or honest, while creative, ways of depicting life. 

I’ve always known about novel censorship, but what was most fascinating were the explanations for why certain books were banned, and the categorization of the main forms of censorship, according to Wikipedia’s definition:  

1. MORAL
2. POLITICAL
3. MILITARY
3. RELIGIOUS
4. CORPORATE

HM. Just a few of my favorite things. 

[Since there's no font for sarcasm yet, let me just clarify that the five above categories are actually some of my LEAST FAVORITE THINGS.]

The Book Ramblings blog post explained how Black Beauty was censored because of the word “Black” in the title.

Really, guys? It’s about a flippin’ BLACK HORSE.

According to the post, Brave New World was banned because it depicted “society as a place of human misery, oppression, disease, and overcrowding … [with] adults dulling their senses with sex and drugs … meant to be purely satirical.”

…and that is inaccurate…how? We rely on the pharmaceutical industry to cure all woes, people of color/women/whomever face stacked odds daily, Swine Flu and terminal illnesses “run rampant,” and China is taking over the world…while we fornicate, drink and smoke incessantly. I’m missing the discrepancy here.

And obviously, Christ having a physical relationship (and children) with Mary Magdalene in fiction novel The Da Vinci Code did not bode well with the sacred tradition of Platonic religion.

 

Other books like Huckleberry Finn were banned because of racial slurs when the novels were intended to shed light on a racist society. Rich landowners didn’t want the knowledge of their poor treatment of workers to be widespread, so they banned The Grapes of Wrath.

 

So, for moral, political, military, religious, and/or corporate reasons, these bodies that have so much “power” over society decided to shut up the writers.

Bull. Shit.

**

This leads me to reminisce over my Christian church-going days growing up as a child. While I don’t discredit the value some people find in organized religion, I personally have a REAL and FUNDAMENTAL problem with it, because it’s all so one-sided and enclosed and imperatively “correct.” 

That last clause also goes against everything I personally believe in. I can see multiple sides to, empathize with, change my mind about and realize the objectivity of pretty much EVERYTHING in life.

 

So how can one sect of the world’s population be completely right and everyone else’s perspective wrong? It simply does not make sense to me. People in India can’t relate to a white, bearded, King Triton-like God on a throne in the sky, just like white America would never think about worshipping a multiple-armed goddess.

 

 

 

Let’s back the Truth Trolley up here a little bit.

It’s flipping CULTURE, people; paradigms and worldviews that inform our perspectives and lead us on the path to heaven or Nirvana or where/whatever the fuck ever we need to make ourselves feel like our lives on this earth aren’t purposeless.

**

We talk about guilt a lot in society. Women, by nature, tend to be slaves to guilt. I personally am not a guilty, emotional person in respect to many things, but when it comes to religious views, my personal history inflicts a LOT OF GUILT upon me–even though I firmly believe in MY present perception of the world and know that organized religion is useless to me. 

I feel guilty for swearing too much, drinking too much, separating from my religious upbringings, smoking.

 

I sometimes wonder if I’m “wrong” for not taking the beaten path, for not caring about social conventions and institutions, and just living the hell out of life (that was a double entendre for those of you who missed it) and doing what I WANT; what makes ME happy.

How messed up is that?

Honestly, at the end of the day, I really don’t give a fuck about social “norms” or what people think. Anyone who knows me knows I do what I want, always.

But that nagging guilt still lingers…the youth group lessons still flash through my mind.

It’s disgusting.

**

And to me, that guilt stems from OTHER HUMANS BEING SELF-RIGHTEOUS. 

I’m cool with the teachings of Jesus (love yourself and one another…sounds like something a hippie stoner would say). Buddha made life simple. The Tao Te Ching is serene and refreshing. I’m sure the prophet Mohammad said some pretty rad things. And even if all these holy dudes are figments of people’s imaginations, they’re not inherently BAD. They’re all saying the same damn thing, anyway.

It’s the people, the “enforcers,” the church, and/or the ULTERIOR MOTIVES of these big societal establishments (religious, corporate, etc…) that ruin it. Didn’t Christ tell the person without blame to cast the first stone?

They secretly spike the punch bowl and trick folks into drinking the Kool-Aid…and BAM: 1000 people are dead (or blinded, or “saved,” or whatever). And they take your money while they’re at it. 

 

 

It’s actually a pretty smart concept! People are generally daft It’s worked for years.

::

A few nights ago on some obscure cable channel, a TV preacher was “performing miracles” on people, telling them facts about their lives that nobody else knew, and slaying people in the Holy Spirit.

There was also an 800 number you could call to receive your free vial of Miracle Water. Not Holy Water, but MIRACLE WATER, blessed by the mulleted, jewel-encrusted jacket-wearing Super Preacher himself! The testimonials kept coming about how the Miracle Water was miraculous. It even cured one old lady’s foot ailment!

Woman, you know you just needed to moisturize between those crusty toes.

 

Back to vampire slaying:

 

This is what happens in the practice of slaying people in the spirit, according to Wiki:

Often a significant amount of time is spent singing and praying during the church service before this point. Attendees are then prayed over and touched by the service leader or leaders. They perceive the Spirit of God upon them, and they fall, usually onto their backs. In most cases, their fall is broken by deacons, catchers, ushers or orderlies behind them to prevent injury. Beliefs associated with this phenomenon include divine healing, receiving visions, and hearing God speak.

 

When I was in elementary school, my family went to one of these intense services once (I don’t remember where). They lined up the congregation in a gymnasium shoulder to shoulder, families standing together, and the preacher would walk around the room, yellin’ and preachin’ and slayin’ away. Groups of four or five would sometimes go down all at once shrieking and praising, with the tall men in suits standing by to break the falls.

It took plenty of yelling and calling upon God when the preacher came near me, and I remember not feeling a thing. I eventually just lay down of my own accord because nothing was a-slayin’ me.

 

That whole practice, to me, is strange too, because Christians are so prone to criticize Shaman rituals and voodoo dances and deep-in-the-jungle spiritual gatherings. I don’t see much difference between those cultural awakening traditions and the Christian practice of slaying someone in the spirit and dancing around babbling in tongues…

 

 

…but again, “everyone else is wrong and WE are right. It’s the only way.” 

Speaking of speaking in tongues, I never did when I was a church-goer. I never could. I didn’t know how to. It all sounded like some memorized babbly gobbledygook, and every individual had their own personal language.

“It’s the language of the Angels,” they’d say. Really? I’d imagine them to sound a little more pleasant and coherent. “It’s a spiritual gift,” they’d explain. Well, I know I’m a good writer and in the gifted program at school, isn’t that enough?

**

The bottom line is, I don’t care for any of that. I don’t like to be made to feel that I am fundamentally flawed and should always strive to do better, to be like a man who NEVER SINNED EVER. 

I KNOW I’m crazy and imperfect [you may want to bookmark this post, I very rarely talk about anything other than my fierce flawless fabulousness! ], but I don’t care. I’m me. I LOVE the fuck out of my life, and I live each day the WAY I WANT and I truly (despite all the peripheral roommate dramz) have no complaints about anything. What’s the point?

If I HAD to choose a religion, however, I’d be a Pastafarian. I’m an active member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti monster. They have sacred texts on the internet proving that the FSM created the universe.

 

The purpose of life is SIMPLE: ENJOY it. Love and take care of yourselves and one another, have fun making memories, and you’ll be just fine.

Translation: Be excellent to each other; party on dudes.