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There’s a reason why the majority of the population doesn’t watch television during the summer.

This year, Fox unveiled a gem in More to Love, which is essentially a version of The Bachelor for fat people.  The featured eligible bachelor, Luke, weighs 330 pounds.  Combined, the 20 contestants weigh in at a total of over two tons.  The purpose of the reality program is to showcase a fat person’s efforts in finding his perfect BBW.

Renowned Chicago blogger bokeen and I had a discussion about the first two episodes of FOX’s More to Love. After you read the first part, the second half of our exchange can be found here at bokeen.com.

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“Hey, you fat cow! Yeah, you! Why don’t you lay off the hot dogs and Doritos?”

Yeesh. I sound like an asshole, right? It’s beach season, and bikini pictures of me and my friends abound on Facebook this time of year…and what do I hear? “Look at you, SKINNY BITCH! Why don’t you EAT a SANDWICH?” Women who are larger than me say that with contempt—and how the hell am I to respond? “Thank you”? Or “Um, I do eat.” What if I responded with the heifer comment? Does being a Fatty Boom Batty give you a license to be a bitch? Why can bigger women be rude to smaller women, but not vice versa?

I take umbrage with the women on More to Love talking shit about thinner women. “Curvier women are more attractive,” Malissa said. “Who wants to look at a stick?”

Well, Malissa…I think fit women are more attractive. Who wants to look at your boobs (which are 95% fat-comprised) touching your belly button?

bokeen
I did find the contestants’ disdain for slender women quite entertaining.  Some were also highly skilled in turning lemons into pulled pork sandwiches, explaining the serendipitous benefits of obesity.

“A part of me uses my weight as protection,” Danielle explained.  “I feel like if I keep weight on, somebody’s gonna love me for me instead of how I look.”

Clearly, Danielle neglects to realize that her 195-pound body might repulse any suitable suitor, spare chubby-chasing Luke.

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Look. It’s great to be self-confident and proud of who and what you are, but you don’t have to simultaneously hate on women who are slender.

“Guys, I think, are afraid to date a bigger girl and they love the skinny bitches,” Kristian asserted. “I don’t know why. I think I’m hot, and I’m not gonna change myself for anybody.”

Talking like that just makes you look like a beached, whiny whale. Just because I love my big lips doesn’t mean I’m going to talk shit about thin-lipped women. And it’s a known fact that men are more initially attracted to more svelte women, so maybe THAT’S why you’re not getting any dates.

bokeen
“And I think that’s what makes me really ready for love…I do love myself and the weight I am,” 32-year-old Michelle explained while blubbering like a small child, with buttery tears streaming down her chubby face.

“I don’t wake up in the morning thinking, ‘I’m gonna diet today and, next week, I’m gonna be skinnier.’ No, I’m gonna buy the clothes that fit me now and enjoy life now.”

The tearful defenses of the obese lifestyle were terribly ironic.  While the contestants would proudly proclaim that they were self confident and comfortable with their appearance, they would burst into tears, bemoaning their lack of success in finding love.

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And THAT’S the thing. There was a stark distinction between the handful of women who actually were comfortable in their excessive skin, and the ones who lacked social lives, dates in the little black book, and self-esteem. There are men who date—and prefer—curvier women…but it’s all in the way one carries herself.

“I’m a rocket scientist,” Natasha explained. Brains are good, right? Luke responded that it was a bit intimidating, and she immediately put her hands to her mouth, bashfully saying, “Oops, sorry!” and ran into the house, embarrassed. Fail.  At 5’9,” the 197-lb 25-year-old wasn’t morbidly obese; she should have just worn a dress that flattered her figure better.

Um, when you act like you’re not good enough and are basing your actions on fear, most men run in the opposite direction.

Walk in and own the place, girl! You’re probably smarter than all the women there! If she would have been confident and proud of her job telling Luke, “I may be smart, but don’t be intimidated; I’m a great gal,” and slyly slinked into the house, she probably would have gotten a better response and not been eliminated at the end of the night.

Seriously—you already know Big Poppa ain’t judging you by your weight (although my guess is one of the slimmer women will “win” his heart), so why the shroud of insecurity?

Reality shows are all exploitative; modern-day freak shows, if you will, preying on the insecure. The show is trying to portray overweight people as marginalized, when in fact non-overweight/obese people are the minority in America, and plenty of large folk get married and have kids. More to Love is no better or different than the barrage of other skeezy find-your-soulmate-in-two-months shows; it just has more poundage per square foot and a Fatchelor with the personality of a melting stick of butter.

bokeen
Char, “Fatchelor” is brilliant.  I am ashamed that I did not come up with that first.

It’s no secret that reality television is the de facto home for deplorable human behavior – essentially the armpit of civilization.  However, More to Love takes it to another level.  While the women on a show like Flavor of Love are contemptible whores competing for the affection of a toothless, washed-up rapper with an affinity for crack cocaine, the contestants on More to Love are genuine fatties with high cholesterol, frustrated with their lonely existence and hoping to fall in love with the show’s featured bachelor.

I struggle to comprehend the underlying concept of More to Love.  On other reality shows, contestants compete for mounds of cash or a record deal.  On More to Love, contestants compete for the honor of fellating a sweaty obese man after a long day of work.

Part of me wants to feel sorry for the collection of manatees that throw themselves at Luke.  However, their undying devotion to a man with such a flaccid personality renders them worthy of my scorn.

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Oh, Luke. Sweet, VAPID Luke. He doesn’t even have to TRY. He delivered nothing but canned lines; everything he said was cliché after cliché:

“He didn’t DESERVE you if he ditched you because of your weight.” “With this ring, I promise to open my heart to get to know the REAL you, the you deep inside underneath those rolls.” With that, the tears well up in the bushy-tailed, bright-eyed girls who has immediately fallen in love with him and KNOWS they’re destined to be together because they had a serious connection because they’re from the same state and because of the mere fact that he let her wear his jacket.

bokeen
As a white man in my 20s, I resent Luke.  He embodies the concept of a “boring white dude.”  His insipid exchanges with the contestants are highly entertaining.  On two separate occasions, he told Melissa that she had nice eyes, to which she responded with high-pitched squeal of a delighted domestic sow after being fed a fresh, warm bucket of slop.

Natalia explained that she enjoys cooking, inquiring about Luke’s favorite food.

“Anything thick and juicy,” Luke responded, adhering to the form of a consummate Renaissance Man.

Luke is a 5,280-ounce cliché machine, spitting out one tired phrase after another.

“Let’s get this party started, girls!” he exclaims at least once per show.

“Why have a six pack when you can have the whole keg?” he asks after removing his shirt, revealing his large, luscious breasts.

The rube named Luke continually struggled to make conversation, awkwardly complimenting the contestants’ dresses and asking them to kiss his floppy fat lips.  In true reality television fashion, the contestants were smitten by his remarks and offered their bulbous, moist tongues as an offering to the lonely bachelor.

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I wonder if there would ever be a reality show with an able-bodied,, fit, suave bachelor vying for the heart of a larger woman? You KNOW it’s not only fat dudes surfing to plumpgirlsworld.com.

“Would you say yes if you made it to the end and he proposed?” one woman asked.

“Of course!” the love-seeking hopeful responded. Really? You had a 30-second interaction and you already know you’d say yes to spending the rest of your life with him if you made it through the next five weeks. Come on. Luke has a marginally attractive face for a 330-pound guy, but isn’t necessarily a grand prize worth tearing out other women’s extensions and belittling yourself on national television.

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It only gets better. Click here for Part II and the exciting conclusion of our analysis at bokeen.com

More to Love airs Tuesday nights on FOX at 8 p.m. CST.