mizChartreuse!

December, 2009.

Reality TV.

Two words.

Jersey Shore.

Whether you’ve watched the MTV “Reality” show or not, you’ve heard SOMETHING about it. Perhaps it’s the fact that a girl got sucker-punched in the face at a bar, or that UNICO National, an organization all for advancing the rights of Italian people, is staunchly opposing the television series.

Sean downloaded the first three episodes the other day, and I LOVE IT.

The self-proclaimed guidos and guidettes.

I don’t have cable, and I generally don’t watch trashy reality programming, but with all the hype surrounding Jersey Shore, I had to take a stab. It’s total trainwreck hilariousness bomb mindless entertainment, and who doesn’t like a bit of that every now and then?

Jersey Shore documents the summer exploits of a group of eight Italian-American 20-somethings living together in a beach house on the north shore of New Jersey. The guys call themselves “Guidos” and the girls, “Guidettes.” It’s a term of endearment to all those involved, and they love to live up to the stereotypes.

The guys have ripped bodies (one dude, Mike, calls himself [and his abdominal muscles] “The Situation”), and the girls are babelicious (although that could be debatable). They speak in the typical east-coast dialect, use a LOT of hair product, and wear as little clothing as possible. They go out most nights, guzzle shots while the sun still shines, and make out in jacuzzis like it’s going out of style.

One girl, Sammy “Sweetheart,” describes a guidette as “somebody who knows how to club it up. Takes really good care of herself. Has pretty hair, keeps up makeup, has tanned skin, owns the hottest heels.”

The most notorious of the bunch, Nicole, or “Snookie,” says her ultimate dream is to “move to Jersey, find a nice juiced out, hot tanned guy and live my life.”

Source: butyourelikereallypretty.tumblr.com

Okay, Snookie. I feel ya.

A couple of The Situation’s finest quotes to date are “Everybody loves me. Ladies, dogs, girls, cougars…I got mass appeal!” And the ever-so-poetic: “The Situation is like, there’s a situation.”

This is The Situation. Like, the situation.

UNICO and other Italian-American activist groups are “boycotting” the show (as though those people actually watch MTV), saying that Jersey Shore perpetuates negative stereotypes about Italian Americans and blah blah blah.

Why is THAT news? Does Access Hollywood really have to report on that?

“Don’t you realize your self-deprecating and vulgar antics means that ‘settling down’ is probably not in your future?” writes UNICO National’s “First Lady,” Jenny DiMino, writes to Snookie. ”How can anyone respect you if you are so disrespectful to yourself, your gender and your Italian heritage? DiMino continued.

Snookie responded “FUCK UNICO!” While drunk and being interrogated by TMZ.

Newsflash: people of all races, colors and creeds have been making fools of themselves FOR-FREAKIN’-EVER.

Sure, The Guidos and Guidettes might not give all Italians a good name. But nobody in their right mind TRULY BELIEVES that ALL ITALIANS ARE LIKE THESE DRUNKEN, TANNED FOOLS ON MTV.

Just like nobody in their right mind truly believes that ALL BLACK PEOPLE ARE LIKE THE TRIFLIN’, BITCHIN,’ SPITTIN’ SKANKS ON FLAVOR OF LOVE.

Flaaavor Flaaave!

Or just like nobody in their right mind truly believes that ALL BLONDE-HAIRED BLUE-EYED GIRLS (WITH IMPLANTS) ARE LIKE THE SKANKS OF ROCK OF LOVE.

Rock on, bitches.

Right?

So…WHAT THE FUCK is the big goddamn deal?

There have been countless “reality” television over the years (the first I remember were The Mole and Survivor), and the vast majority of them have exploited regular people at the expense of the general American public. This is the VERY NATURE of “reality” programming.

For Italian-American activist groups to protest shows about silly Guidos is just plain dumb. I know people like Oprah Winfrey (whom I obviously ADORE) and Bill Cosby hated programs like Chappelle’s Show because they made black folk look like idiots. But in this world, there are idiots and there are the rational. And in the group of idiots, there are people of all ethnicities, so UNICO needs to just back the eff off and get over it. The Flavor of Love or For the Love of Ray-J or the For the Love of God, Why Are We Perpetuating Black People to Look like Skanky Hoores TV Show But Please Watch! will still bring in the ratings.

THIS IS JUST THE WAY STUPID ASS SOCIETY IS IN AMERICA TODAY, AND IT SELLS MILLIONS IN ADVERTISING REVENUE.

And I hate to admit it, but Hot Mess Snookie and The Situation make me want to tune in, even though I don’t even have freakin’ cable.

And this is the beauty of paid TV. Gay in the mouth.

Jersey Shore represents a subculture, and the characters that the casting directors decided to hire are nothing but charicatures of extreme stereotypes.

SO WHAT.

I hate the bitches of Flavor of Love (come to think of it, I hate Flavor Flav as an individual), but I don’t take it to represent all black people. Just as I don’t take Jersey Shore to represent all Italians. They are scummy, hot messes, but that’s their own choice.

So. Freakin. What.

“Reality” shows are a monster of their own. The subculture caricatures simply happen to be a mechanism to our own mind-numbing, intelligence-staggering forms of entertainment. And while there are several things wrong with that, we as an American culture will still soak them up because this is the society begotten of the 2000s decades.

Stop protesting and just let deviants be. They’re not going anywhere, and people will continue to tune in.